Once you have identified the ABCs of your child’s feelings, then you can teach him how to:

DISPUTE  Negative Beliefs

And

ENERGIZE  Expectations!

Disputing negative beliefs involves looking for false evidence that appears real.

I suggest kids think about what they would do if someone else said something bad about them.  Even kids with low self esteem usually say, “I’d tell them why that is not true!”  I tell kids that sometimes they have to tell themselves why their thoughts are not true.  In the example used in the last post, a disputing statement might be:

 “Just because Mrs. Bailey corrected me in front of the whole class doesn’t mean she hates me. She corrects just about everyone, and she has told us we are her favorite class.  I really should have asked my teacher, parents, or tutor  for help on that assignment.  Everyone else has made a mistake at one time or another, so I doubt they think I’m stupid.”

Energizing expectations involves recognizing the consequence of his new belief.  In this case,

“I now know how to avoid that mistake in the future, and with the right kind of help next time I can do better.  I don’t feel as sad as I did, and I definitely don’t want to crawl under my desk!”

This takes a lot of practice and work, but in the long run, energized expectations can move your child from being hard on himself emotionally to becoming tough on himself to make improvements.

Remember: it took some time for your child to develop negative self-talk,and it will take some time for him to change his beliefs.

Some children and teens may need the short-term assistance of a professional counselor to develop acceptance and good coping skills. 

Need help addressing your child/teen’s needs?  Call 817.421.8780 to learn about our research-proven counseling techniques.

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Excerpt from LD Kids Can! ©1993, Monte Davenport

(c) 2009- 2012, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.