Because of the amount of stress some of children are under just to survive in the classroom, their tempers often get the best of them quickly.  Any little thing may seem to upset them.  Their tempers may be like a time bomb, primed to go off; just a single look or word could trigger an explosion.  Because of this they often live with hurt feelings and the expectation that they will become angry.  Sometimes when a youngster with language or learning problems gets angry, he struggles to express what he is feeling verbally and so he does so with his fists.

Children with social disabilities need to be reminded other children don’t enjoy being around them when they get angry and tempers flare up suddenly.  You should talk about ways your child can control his temper.  A good way to start this activity is to ask the question: “Why should you learn to control your anger?”  Lead your child to the conclusion that in order to keep friends, temper control is a must.

Children with social disabilities need to know that anger is an important feeling that lets us know change is needed.  The child should talk about whatever makes him angry at school, home, and on the playground.  He may need to know it is OK to get angry but not OK to take it out on others.  He should talk about the positive and negative aspects of anger and tempers. Positive aspects might include high energy for an activity, motivation for change, and help in developing assertiveness.  Negative aspects include disrupting communication, ruining relationships, and stopping other natural emotions.

Ask your child to finish these sentences about anger:

¨      When I get angry I…

¨      I get angry whenever somebody…

¨      You can tell I’m angry when…

¨      Whenever I’m angry and don’t want anyone to know, I…

¨      The last time I was angry was…

¨      The best thing for me to do when I get angry is…

¨      When I tell someone I’m angry at them, I feel…

¨      When I get angry, my face…

¨      When I keep my anger inside, I…

¨      Some people… when they get angry…

¨      Some ways to get out anger without hurting anybody are…

¨      A safe place to get angry is…

¨      Another way to get rid of my angry feelings is…

¨      When I let my angry feelings out I…

¨      When my sister or brother make me angry, I…

¨      When I get angry at my friend, I feel like…

The next step is to explore more positive ways of handling anger.  Discuss how people fill up with anger all day as things go wrong and how by the end of the day, they explode inappropriately.  Have the child give you examples of things that can push a person to become angry.  Talk about positive and negative ways to handle anger.  Positive ways might include running around the block, pounding a pillow, squeezing a koosh ball, or riding a bike.  Negative ways include hitting, throwing things, yelling at another.

Next, teach your child how to recognize and cope with anger:

1.       Recognize your anger and its intensity.

2.       Stop and think.

3.       Use the energy of anger in a positive way.

4.       Share it (tell someone how you feel).

5.       Find another way to meet your needs.

Conclude this activity by having your child list 3 things people get mad at her about.  Have her write about a time she lost her temper.  Then have her list 3 positive ways she can handle her anger. Summarize by reminding your child of the following:

¨      It’s OK to be angry.

¨      It’s not OK to hurt someone else.

¨      It is not someone else’s fault when you are angry.

¨      Be responsible for your own feelings and your behavior.

Need help addressing your child/teen’s needs?  Call 817.421.8780 to learn about our research-proven counseling techniques.

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Excerpt from Social Skills for LD Kids (c) 1995, Monte W. Davenport

(c) 2009-2012, Monte W. Davenport, Ph.D.